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Carry me in your arms….


Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.”

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

When I got home that night as my wife Ameena served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. Ameena didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Ismail why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, “you are not a man!”

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. Ameena was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Mary Anne. I didn’t love Ameena anymore. I just pitied her!

 With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Mary Anne so dearly.

 Finally Ameena cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

 The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Mary Anne. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did’nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.

 In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son Ahmed had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

 This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

 Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Mary Anne about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. Ameena and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son Ahmed clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don’t tell Ahmed about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

 On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to Ameena.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Mary Anne about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son Ahmed came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. Ameena gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Ahmed had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Mary Anne opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Mary Anne, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Mary Anne, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.

Mary Anne seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until one of us leaves this world!

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.

Allah says in the Qur’an:“Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected.”(Qur’an 4:34)

Allah says in the Qur’an:“And the believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of each other, they enjoin good and forbid evil, and establish prayers, and pay the alms, and obey God and His Messenger, these, upon them God will have mercy, indeed, God is almighty, All-wise.” (Qur’an 9:71)

Prophet[p.b.u.h] said, “The best of you is he who is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family”

Love her…


By Abu Muhammad Yusuf

Love herwhen she sips on your coffee or tea. She only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you.

Love herwhen she “pushes” you to pray. She wants to be with you in Jannah (Paradise).

Love herwhen she asks you to play with the kids. She did not “make” them on her own.

Love her...when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you

Love herwhen she has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too.

Love herwhen her cooking is bad. She tries.

Love herwhen she looks dishevelled in the morning. She always grooms herself up again.

Love herwhen she asks to help with the kids homework. She only wants you to be part of the home.

Love her...when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her she’s beautiful.

Love herwhen she looks beautiful. She’s yours so appreciate her.

Love her...when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for you.

Love herwhen she buys you gifts you don’t like. Smile and tell her it’s what you’ve always wanted.

Love herwhen she has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help her change.

Love herwhen she cries for absolutely nothing. Don’t ask, tell her its going to be okay

Love herwhen she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and back and just chat to her (trust me this works!)

Love herwhen whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass

Love herwhen she stains your clothes. You needed a new thobe (kurta) anyway

Love herwhen she tells you how to drive. She only wants you to be safe.

Love herwhen she argues. She only wants to make things right for both

Love hershe is yours. You don’t need any other special reason!!!!

All this forms part of a Woman’s Character. Women are part of your life and should be treated as the Queen.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) advised concerning the woman:

·         Treat the women well.

·         The best of you are those who are the best in the treatment of their wives.

·         No one honours the woman except an honorable man. And no one humiliates her or holds her in contempt except one who is evil, vile, wicked and depraved.   

Don’t wait for that special occasion,take time now to make her feel Special in Every Way!

Love him…


By Abu Muhammad Yusuf

 

Love him when he “forgets” that special occasion. For him moment with you is special so he does not need an occasion.

Love him …when he comes late from the Musjid. He wants to make sure he is early with you in Jannah (Paradise).

Love him …when he admonishes you to don the hijaab. He wants to be sure you enshrouded by Allah’s Mercy when you leave the home.

Love him...when he is jealous. Out of all the women he could have, he chose you to be his wife!

Love him...when he is working till late. At least he comes home and you still get to sleep and wake up in his loving and caring arms.

Love himwhen he has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too (and maybe more)

Love himwhen does not praise your cooking. He told you as newlyweds that yours was indeed always the best.

Love himwhen he looks dishevelled. He was more busy caring for the family than grooming himself. By the way he is cute!

Love himwhen he does not help in the home. He is out earning a halaal (pure) income for the family.

Love him...when he does not reply to your questions. He does not want to hurt your feelings or is absorbed in thinking about your welfare.

Love himwhen he looks beautiful. He’s yours to appreciate!

Love himwhen he goes out in the Path of Allah. He is preparing a blissful eternal home for you in Jannah.

Love him...when he does not comment when you get angry. He is a good listener.

Love himwhen he buys you gifts you don’t like. Smile and tell him it’s what you’ve always wanted. He took the time and money out just for you!

Love himwhen he has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help him change.

Love himwhen he is irritable and moody. Buy chocolates, massage his head and feet and just chat to him. He will become your slave!

Love himwhen whatever you do is not pleasing. It’s like a storm; it happens and will soon pass by.

Love himwhen he drives so fast. He only wants you to be there in time.

Love himwhen he extends his period of rest. He is re-charging himself to serve you the best.

Love himwhen he forgets to say “I love you”. He actually shows his love in many other ways.

Love himwhen he forgets to buy the bread or milk. He was rushing home to be with you.

Love himwhen he does not give you a chance to talk. He just knows what is in your heart and what it is you want to say.

Love himwhen he “demands” respect. After all he is the head of the house.

Love himwhen he shouts the kids. He only wants to ensure they are corrected and have a good moral upbringing.

Love himhe is yours. You don’t need any other special reason!!!!

All this forms part of a man’s character. Your Husband is part of your life and should be treated as the King!.

Almighty Allah Ta’ala says:

“ And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)…” (Qur’an 30:21) 

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said:

  • ‘Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’”(Hadith-Ibn Majah) 
  • “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.”(Hadith-Ahmad and al-Tabarani) 
  • ·         “Pay attention to how you treat him(husband), for he is your Paradise and your Hell.”(Hadith-13 Ahmad and al-Nisa’i) 
  • ·         “No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.”(Hadith: Ahmad and al-Bazzar)

Don’t wait for that special occasion, take time NOW to make him feel Special in Every Way! Just give him a HUGE HUG and if he asks why then say: “ It’s just because you are so SPECIAL…”

 

Marriage – The Right Choice


By Shahnaaz Bemath

Beloved Reader! The selection of a life partner is indeed a serious matter that should not be taken lightly. The best selection will lead to a blessed marriage in which the rights of each are fulfilled and will ensure that the home will be managed properly. It has been seen that marriages are most successful when the rules and regulations laid down by Islam are faithfully obeyed and properly applied. Children born out of such a marriage turn out to be true believers and good Muslims. They have sound judgment and a high level of intelligence because in such marriages, Islamic knowledge and practice are an emphasis when it comes to the children. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) commanded those who intend to marry, to select a partner who is religious. A partner who has a correct and true understanding of Islam, and whose actions and conduct are in conformity with it’s teachings. Instead of setting a yardstick of beauty, prestige or wealth, Islam sets religion and piety as the criterion.

The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “If somebody whose religion (Deen) and character are satisfactory comes to you (proposes marriage), marry your daughter to him…” (Tirmidhi Sharief)

The proposals of religious males are often rejected because selection is made on a worldly basis. Worldly standards of wealth, looks and social standing are mainly considered when a suitable match is sought. There is no harm in choosing a partner with any of these traits. However it should be borne in mind that in the absence of a good religious background and piety, worldly advantage have no worth.

A Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband.

Family Background

A life partner must be from a devout, Islamically inclined family of good background since this will play an influential role in the couples future lives. Therefore, selection of a spouse must be one who has been brought up in pious and righteous surrounding. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “Marry into those of pious upbringing for what is bred in the bone is in the blood.” Nothing is worst for a religious woman of high Islamic values and standards, then to fall into wedlock of a free-thinking, irreligious husband, who is un concerned about religious duties and practices. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “Whoever marries his daughter to a sinner, has indeed cut off ties with her.” (Ibn Hibbaan).

In same way, nothing is worst for a religious minded male, then to choose a life partner who has a poor understanding of Islam and has little or no regard for it’s teaching. It is most improbable that a woman who lacks the basic Islamic knowledge and has no piety, become a good wife or mother to anyone. Men who marry for beauty, wealth or glamour often end up regretting. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “A woman is married for any one of four reasons: for her wealth, her status, her beauty and her piety. So try to marry one who is religious lest you regret.” (Tirmidhi Sharief)

A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond and establishing a stable life, it is essential to choose a partner with good akhlaaq (character) in the first place.
“Be a WOMAN of the DEEN so that you deserve to be his QUEEN”
“Be a MAN of IMAN so that you deserve to be her MAN”
O ALLAH! Bless us with spouses of piety and righteousness. And may YOU make every marriage to be that beautiful institution as ordained by YOU and taught by YOUR Beloved Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam), AAMEEN…

Secrets of Happy Married Couples(A touching story)


 

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of their    friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. A wonderful time was had by all.

The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: “I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage.” She offered.

“Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together.”

The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

“I’ll start,” offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husbands eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Nothing” the husband replied, “keep reading your list.”

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.

“Now, you read your list and then we’ll talk about the things on both of our lists.” She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, “I don’t have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don’t want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn’t want to try and change anything about you.”

The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don’t really have to go looking for them.

We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.

Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying things when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST when we see and praise the good and try our best to forego the mistakes of our spouse. Nobody’s perfect but we can find perfection in them to change the way we see them. It is necessary to understand the difficulties and be a helping hand to each other….THAT BRIGHTENS THE RELATIONSHIP. —

Marriage: Look Beyond the Packaging!


By W Abdelgawad
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Is his hair nicely styled? Is he the perfect height?

Is her makeup just right? Does her body have the perfect curves?

This is packaging, it’s irrelevant.

American, Pakistani, Mexican, Egyptian, Bengali, Indonesian, black, white, brown, this is a veneer. It’s unimportant in the long run. When you’re sick and battling to recover, it’s not an American who holds you and tells you that it will be okay, who makes you chicken soup with lemon and ginger… It’s a human being, a husband or wife who loves you.

We must get beyond superficial and meaningless classifications like race and nationality.

Does he wear Armani suits cut just right? Are his shoes sleek and shiny? Does her clothing drape elegantly on her figure?

You know what? That Armani suit can’t stand on its own. It needs a hangar just to stay upright. That elegant clothing can’t raise your children right.

We must learn to look beyond appearances. I’m not saying that appearance is irrelevant, but how much of our attraction is based on true human beauty, and how much is based on distorted standards and poisonous imagery pumped into our brains by TV, movies, advertising, magazines and billboards? In other words, to what degree have we been brainwashed?

The world of advertising teaches us to focus on the wrong things. Consultants are paid millions of dollars to design the perfect package for a box of cereal or an energy drink, just the right shape and bright color to catch your eye and entice you to buy. Meanwhile, the product – as often as not – is actually bad for you, consisting of empty calories, sugar, chemicals and dyes. They are teaching us to make choices based on packaging and image, and what they are teaching us is entirely ruinous and wrong.

Human beings, however, are not consumer products. We’re not disposable. When you marry someone you’re in it for the long haul. You’re with them when they wake up in the morning with crust in their eyes and hair stuck to one side of the their head; when they get laid off from their job and you don’t know how the bills will get paid next month; when they’re depressed, tired, sick; when they make mistakes, when they say and do the wrong things, when they lose their temper, when they’re afraid or insecure…

This is as serious as it gets. This is life, and the right package won’t get you through it, won’t help on you the path, won’t hold you up when you’re weak, or put a smile in your heart when you’re down. The package can’t do that. Remember that when you buy something, the package ends up in the trash. If you choose someone for the package only, you may be bitterly disappointed when the storm comes and no one is there to keep you safe.

These are lessons learned through heartache and disappointment. These are lessons I have learned.

Look deeper. Find a gentle heart, a strong backbone, a striving spirit. Look to what the person does, how they live, how they treat people, how they relate to the Almighty. Look to that shimmering soul inside, and discern whether it’s a selfish and bitter soul, or loving and true. Look beyond the packaging to the person inside, and trust your fitrah-based instincts, and you’ll find yourself a rare happiness, and a precious partnership.

The most beautiful, powerful things in the world don’t come in packages. Mountains, trees, ocean, sky, stars… their true attributes are bared to the world. They don’t need packages because they are beautiful and profound in their essence.

By basing your life choices on matters of substance, you’ll avoid social and financial traps that ruin so many. You’ll build friendships as real and solid as mountains, with people you can trust with your honor, your heart and your life. You’ll do work that matters, and leave a legacy that improves people’s lives in unforgettable ways.

The Noble Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said:

"A woman may be married for four qualities, for her property, her rank, her beauty, and her religion (piety); so get the religious one and prosper."

(Hadith Bukhaari (5090), Muslim (1466) )

“Fiqh of Love”



1-Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.
2-If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.
3-One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.
4-It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
5-When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.
6-The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.
7-It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.
8-It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.
9-If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.
10-Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.
11-It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.
12-The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.
13-Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.
14-Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.
15-Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.
16-One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.
17-Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.
18-Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.
19-The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
20-Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.
21-Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
22-Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.
23-Don’t neglect your friends.
24-If you think, "You are not the person I married," you are probably right.
25-Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
26-Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.
27-If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.
28-Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
29-You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.
30-Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.
31-Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous process.
32-Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.
33-Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
34-A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.
35-Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
36-There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
37-One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is "How best can I love you?"
38-Marriage can stay fresh over time.
39-Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.
40-Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
41-Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.
42-Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
43-Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
44-Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
45-If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.
46-Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.
47-The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
48-There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.
49-It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.
50-If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.