Tag Archive | marriage

Love her…


By Abu Muhammad Yusuf

Love herwhen she sips on your coffee or tea. She only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you.

Love herwhen she “pushes” you to pray. She wants to be with you in Jannah (Paradise).

Love herwhen she asks you to play with the kids. She did not “make” them on her own.

Love her...when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you

Love herwhen she has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too.

Love herwhen her cooking is bad. She tries.

Love herwhen she looks dishevelled in the morning. She always grooms herself up again.

Love herwhen she asks to help with the kids homework. She only wants you to be part of the home.

Love her...when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her she’s beautiful.

Love herwhen she looks beautiful. She’s yours so appreciate her.

Love her...when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for you.

Love herwhen she buys you gifts you don’t like. Smile and tell her it’s what you’ve always wanted.

Love herwhen she has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help her change.

Love herwhen she cries for absolutely nothing. Don’t ask, tell her its going to be okay

Love herwhen she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and back and just chat to her (trust me this works!)

Love herwhen whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass

Love herwhen she stains your clothes. You needed a new thobe (kurta) anyway

Love herwhen she tells you how to drive. She only wants you to be safe.

Love herwhen she argues. She only wants to make things right for both

Love hershe is yours. You don’t need any other special reason!!!!

All this forms part of a Woman’s Character. Women are part of your life and should be treated as the Queen.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) advised concerning the woman:

·         Treat the women well.

·         The best of you are those who are the best in the treatment of their wives.

·         No one honours the woman except an honorable man. And no one humiliates her or holds her in contempt except one who is evil, vile, wicked and depraved.   

Don’t wait for that special occasion,take time now to make her feel Special in Every Way!

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Love him…


By Abu Muhammad Yusuf

 

Love him when he “forgets” that special occasion. For him moment with you is special so he does not need an occasion.

Love him …when he comes late from the Musjid. He wants to make sure he is early with you in Jannah (Paradise).

Love him …when he admonishes you to don the hijaab. He wants to be sure you enshrouded by Allah’s Mercy when you leave the home.

Love him...when he is jealous. Out of all the women he could have, he chose you to be his wife!

Love him...when he is working till late. At least he comes home and you still get to sleep and wake up in his loving and caring arms.

Love himwhen he has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too (and maybe more)

Love himwhen does not praise your cooking. He told you as newlyweds that yours was indeed always the best.

Love himwhen he looks dishevelled. He was more busy caring for the family than grooming himself. By the way he is cute!

Love himwhen he does not help in the home. He is out earning a halaal (pure) income for the family.

Love him...when he does not reply to your questions. He does not want to hurt your feelings or is absorbed in thinking about your welfare.

Love himwhen he looks beautiful. He’s yours to appreciate!

Love himwhen he goes out in the Path of Allah. He is preparing a blissful eternal home for you in Jannah.

Love him...when he does not comment when you get angry. He is a good listener.

Love himwhen he buys you gifts you don’t like. Smile and tell him it’s what you’ve always wanted. He took the time and money out just for you!

Love himwhen he has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help him change.

Love himwhen he is irritable and moody. Buy chocolates, massage his head and feet and just chat to him. He will become your slave!

Love himwhen whatever you do is not pleasing. It’s like a storm; it happens and will soon pass by.

Love himwhen he drives so fast. He only wants you to be there in time.

Love himwhen he extends his period of rest. He is re-charging himself to serve you the best.

Love himwhen he forgets to say “I love you”. He actually shows his love in many other ways.

Love himwhen he forgets to buy the bread or milk. He was rushing home to be with you.

Love himwhen he does not give you a chance to talk. He just knows what is in your heart and what it is you want to say.

Love himwhen he “demands” respect. After all he is the head of the house.

Love himwhen he shouts the kids. He only wants to ensure they are corrected and have a good moral upbringing.

Love himhe is yours. You don’t need any other special reason!!!!

All this forms part of a man’s character. Your Husband is part of your life and should be treated as the King!.

Almighty Allah Ta’ala says:

“ And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)…” (Qur’an 30:21) 

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said:

  • ‘Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’”(Hadith-Ibn Majah) 
  • “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.”(Hadith-Ahmad and al-Tabarani) 
  • ·         “Pay attention to how you treat him(husband), for he is your Paradise and your Hell.”(Hadith-13 Ahmad and al-Nisa’i) 
  • ·         “No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.”(Hadith: Ahmad and al-Bazzar)

Don’t wait for that special occasion, take time NOW to make him feel Special in Every Way! Just give him a HUGE HUG and if he asks why then say: “ It’s just because you are so SPECIAL…”

 

Marriage – The Right Choice


By Shahnaaz Bemath

Beloved Reader! The selection of a life partner is indeed a serious matter that should not be taken lightly. The best selection will lead to a blessed marriage in which the rights of each are fulfilled and will ensure that the home will be managed properly. It has been seen that marriages are most successful when the rules and regulations laid down by Islam are faithfully obeyed and properly applied. Children born out of such a marriage turn out to be true believers and good Muslims. They have sound judgment and a high level of intelligence because in such marriages, Islamic knowledge and practice are an emphasis when it comes to the children. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) commanded those who intend to marry, to select a partner who is religious. A partner who has a correct and true understanding of Islam, and whose actions and conduct are in conformity with it’s teachings. Instead of setting a yardstick of beauty, prestige or wealth, Islam sets religion and piety as the criterion.

The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “If somebody whose religion (Deen) and character are satisfactory comes to you (proposes marriage), marry your daughter to him…” (Tirmidhi Sharief)

The proposals of religious males are often rejected because selection is made on a worldly basis. Worldly standards of wealth, looks and social standing are mainly considered when a suitable match is sought. There is no harm in choosing a partner with any of these traits. However it should be borne in mind that in the absence of a good religious background and piety, worldly advantage have no worth.

A Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband.

Family Background

A life partner must be from a devout, Islamically inclined family of good background since this will play an influential role in the couples future lives. Therefore, selection of a spouse must be one who has been brought up in pious and righteous surrounding. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “Marry into those of pious upbringing for what is bred in the bone is in the blood.” Nothing is worst for a religious woman of high Islamic values and standards, then to fall into wedlock of a free-thinking, irreligious husband, who is un concerned about religious duties and practices. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “Whoever marries his daughter to a sinner, has indeed cut off ties with her.” (Ibn Hibbaan).

In same way, nothing is worst for a religious minded male, then to choose a life partner who has a poor understanding of Islam and has little or no regard for it’s teaching. It is most improbable that a woman who lacks the basic Islamic knowledge and has no piety, become a good wife or mother to anyone. Men who marry for beauty, wealth or glamour often end up regretting. The Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said: “A woman is married for any one of four reasons: for her wealth, her status, her beauty and her piety. So try to marry one who is religious lest you regret.” (Tirmidhi Sharief)

A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond and establishing a stable life, it is essential to choose a partner with good akhlaaq (character) in the first place.
“Be a WOMAN of the DEEN so that you deserve to be his QUEEN”
“Be a MAN of IMAN so that you deserve to be her MAN”
O ALLAH! Bless us with spouses of piety and righteousness. And may YOU make every marriage to be that beautiful institution as ordained by YOU and taught by YOUR Beloved Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam), AAMEEN…

Choosing a Wife and Husband :: A Moral Story For Brother & Sisters in ISLAM


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Seeing that his mother was in a good mood, Ahmad sat near her and said, ‘Mother, I have an idea which should bring you much joy.” His mother answered eagerly, “My son, all that you give me makes me happy. What is on your mind?”

“You know,” he told her, “I have finished my studies and can afford to begin a family. I have decided to marry.”

His mother’s face brightened with a smile. “This is very good news! I have long awaited such a day,” she told him. “How often I have wished you would marry one of your cousins. Praise be to Allah that you have made this decision before it is too late!.” Ahmad exclaimed, “Before it’s too late? What do you mean?” “Your cousin Maryam is now old enough to marry. Every day there is someone visiting her home, seeking her hand.”

Ahmad sat silently for a moment and said, “Then why should we bother her suitors?”

“What do you mean, Ahmad?,” asked his mother, dismayed.

“My cousin Maryam is not fit for me.”

“Why not? No, my son, you’re mistaken. I shall go and see about your engagement tomorrow,” his mother told him.

Ahmad frowned and said, “No, mother. Please do not do such a thing. I will not agree to this.” “When she becomes your fiancé, you will feel love for her. Put aside your fears. Maryam is beautiful, and she has a respectable job.”

Ahmad disagreed, “No. This matter only concerns me.”

Ahmad’s mother thought for a moment and said, “If you dislike Maryam, then there’s my brother’s daughter. She is as beautiful as Maryam, and she has inherited a large sum of money from my brother.

“Mother, please think about this matter from my point of view. I need someone to share my life, not a business partner.”

His mother became angry and sharply asked, “What’s wrong with my niece? Why isn’t she good enough to be your wife?”

Ahmad replied, “She is not a practicing Muslim. I want a Muslim wife.”

Ahmad’s mother laughed sarcastically and said, “You speak as if you were an angel who could only marry another angel. Why don’t you stop saying such nonsense, my son? You are an educated young man, you should give up your impossible ideals.”

“I am neither an angel, nor do I seek a saint for a wife. I am a Muslim believer looking for a girl who also believes in Islam.” replied Ahmad.

Ahmad’s mother told him, “I don’t know any girls who share your ideals.”

He said, “I know someone who measures up to my expectations. “

Startled by this admission, Ahmad’s mother asked, “You know someone? Who is she? Since when do you begin friendship with girls?”

Ahmad answered quickly, “I didn’t mean that I know a girl personally, but I know of her.” ” I see,” she said. “You have already chosen your wife. Who is this lucky girl?” “Mother, please be more understanding. I hope you will take my side and persuade father to agree with my choice.”

This appeal to Ahmad’s mother softened her, and she said, “I swear that I think only of your welfare. I’ll help you. Tell me, what are this girl ’s qualifications?”

Ahmad told her, “Nothing matters except the religious aspect. She is Muslim, and wears complete hijab.” “Oh, then she is uneducated!” “No, she has a high school education and her religious knowledge is extensive.”

Then his mother asked, “What family is she from? Do I know them?”

“She is from a good family known for their piety”, Ahmad told her. “Of what use is a well-known family if a girl has no Islamic morals?” He silently beseeched Allah to give him the patience to overcome his mother’s resistance. “A happy marriage doesn’t depend on fame or wealth. Happiness stems from spiritual nearness and mutual understanding.” Then, in a different tone of voice his mother asked,

“What does her father do for a living?” “He is a grocer,” Ahmad replied.

“A grocer?!”, she exclaimed. “Yes. He is a grocer and a very righteous man. He is the head of a happy and virtuous family.”

Ahmad’s mother interrupted him, “You are the son of a wealthy man; with your college degree you wish to marry a grocer’s daughter? What a shame! Yet you ask me to assist you! If I had chosen the daughter of a jeweler, how would you feel?”

His mother replied, “There is a big difference between a jeweler and a grocer.”

“The only difference is with regard to the substance. The former sells rings and the latter sells sugar. Both work in order to earn money,” Ahmad answered.

His mother lamented, “Imagine your father’s reaction to this news! “

Ahmad said firmly, ” This is my desire, either you help me or I’ll do it myself.”

He spoke so seriously that his mother laughed mockingly, saying, “Does the matter require a great effort? The least move you make, they will give their daughter to you gladly.”

Ahmad shook his head in doubt and said, “Wait and see!”

“What an odd situation this is! Am I to present my son to a grocer’s daughter? What special beauty does this girl possess to make you blind to every other consideration?

“I have not yet seen her,” Ahmad said.

“Then how do you know she’s not ugly?” asked his mother.

“I know she is not. As far as good conduct is concerned, physical beauty is of little importance.”

“Oh Ahmad, my amazement never ceases.”

The next morning, Ahmad told his father of his intentions. His father became angry, but Ahmad remained determined to marry the woman of his choice. Finally his father agreed and Ahmad asked his mother to visit the girl’s home to make the proposal and overcome any obstacles.

The following afternoon Ahmad’s mother, accompanied by his oldest sister, went to the girl’s house. On the way there, Ahmad’s sister asked her mother what the girl’s name was. Her mother replied, ” I forgot to ask him! “When they knocked on the family’s door, they were surprised to see a beautiful young girl open it. The girl was surprised to see the two unfamiliar women, but she showed them into the living room and went to tell her mother that they had visitors. Her mother welcomed the guests and waited for them to explain the reason for their visit. After exchanging greetings, Ahmad’s mother asked who the young girl was who had opened the door. “It was my daughter, Zaynab,” she replied. “Do you have any other daughter?” asked Ahmad’s mother. “No, she’s my only daughter”, replied her mother. Ahmad’s mother and sister were delighted to learn that the beautiful girl was Zaynab. Just then, Zaynab entered with coffee for their visitors. She sat next to Ahmad’s sister and they soon found much to discuss. Then she collected the empty coffee cups and left the room.

Ahmad’s mother began, “We have come with a blessed aim. We would be happy to have your daughter Zaynab as a wife for my son.” She praised her son for his intelligence, his good looks and his wealth, but she neglected to mention his firm Islamic beliefs, which was very important to Zaynab’s mother. Therefore, Ahmad’s mother was stunned when Zaynab’s mother shook her head slowly and said, “I’m very sorry. It is difficult for me to agree to this proposal; in fact, it’s impossible.” With much surprise, Ahmad’s mother asked, “What is impossible?”

“My daughter is still young. I’m sure your son can find a girl who suits him.” Ahmad’s mother protested, “But Zaynab suits him well! Would you be kind enough to justify your refusal?”

“I only have one daughter, and I should be sure of her future married life.”

“But Ahmad is well-off financially,” said his mother. “He is an engineer!”

Zaynab’s mother replied, “Zaynab would not marry someone because he is wealthy or has a college degree.”

Ahmad’s mother was at a loss for words. “Then what will ensure your daughter’s happiness and consent?”

“When a mother looks for a wife for her son, she should mention her son’s conduct.” said the mother of Zaynab. “My daughter is a committed Muslim. She wants a Muslim husband, and remember, my daughter wears hijab, and your son may want a modern wife, who dresses like his mother and sister.”

Ahmad’s mother laughed with relief and told her, “You’re correct. I haven’t mentioned his conduct. I thought that other aspects of his character were of more importance. My son is a faithful Muslim. He is, in fact, looking for a wife who observes hijab. Be sure that my appearance (un-Islamic clothing) is not to Ahmad’s taste.”

Zaynab’s mother also smiled and said, “You should have told me earlier! Please give us your address so we can visit you and learn more about your son.”

“We hope you can come early next week,” said Ahmad’s mother.

Ahmad was waiting anxiously for his mother’s return. As soon as she and her daughter returned home he asked, “Well, mother? How was your visit?”

“It was very strange,” she replied.

“What was strange?”, he asked. “Has anything bad happened?”

“Oh no, Ahmad. But I never expected such a thing,” she answered. “Then they have refused?” Ahmad’s father said, “How could a grocer’s daughter refuse a wealthy young man?”

Ahmad’s mother turned to her husband and said, ” They did, in fact, refuse…”

“What! they refused?” asked the father. “I spoke about Ahmad’s good qualities, but I didn’t mention his Islamic morals. My appearance also caused her to decline my proposal because her daughter is a very faithful Muslim. When I realized their objections, I told them that you are a true Muslim as well. I have come to respect them very much. They don’t care about status or wealth.”

“Have you seen the girl?”, asked Ahmad’s father.

“Yes, she is lovely and polite. Ahmad is a lucky man to have made such a choice.”

The following week, Zaynab’s family paid a visit to Ahmad’s home and plans were made for the upcoming wedding. They were soon married and there was much rejoicing.

Secrets of Happy Married Couples(A touching story)


 

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of their    friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. A wonderful time was had by all.

The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: “I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage.” She offered.

“Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together.”

The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

“I’ll start,” offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husbands eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Nothing” the husband replied, “keep reading your list.”

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.

“Now, you read your list and then we’ll talk about the things on both of our lists.” She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, “I don’t have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don’t want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn’t want to try and change anything about you.”

The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don’t really have to go looking for them.

We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.

Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying things when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST when we see and praise the good and try our best to forego the mistakes of our spouse. Nobody’s perfect but we can find perfection in them to change the way we see them. It is necessary to understand the difficulties and be a helping hand to each other….THAT BRIGHTENS THE RELATIONSHIP. —

Barren but Blessed


Really a Heart touching Story of a Sister. J Samia Mairfinds motherhood in an unexpected place at the end of her battle to conceive.

The kingdom of the heavens and earth belongs to Allah.He creates whatever He wills .He gives daughters to whoever He wishes, or He gives sons to whoever He wishes; or He gives them both sons and daughters; And He makes whoever He wishes barren. Truly He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful. (Quran, 42: 46-47)

"I don’t see the heartbeat. I don’t see the heartbeat!"

Neither my husband nor the emergency room doctor responded to me. My husband stared straight ahead at the monitor searching the gray and white lines for any signs of life. The doctor pressed the cold wet probe down firmer, moving it haphazardly across my abdomen. My heart sank. I thought we had a chance this time.

This would not be my first miscarriage. I had suffered several already. But this was the first time that we had actually seen a heartbeat. What an amazing sight. If I had been told that my child was going to have five heads and six arms, it would not have mattered.

It was my second in vitro fertilization procedure. None of my eggs were fertilized in the first one. We spent over a year trying to increase our chances of pregnancy by testing for ovulation and other less scientific methods — all to no avail. I braced myself for the inevitable disappointment that would interrupt the uncomfortable silence.

"I’m sorry. The fetus did not make it."

Although the doctor merely confirmed what I already knew in my heart, hearing it affected me more than I had expected. It’s hard to describe now but it was more than emotional trauma. I felt actual physical pain from his words. It was as if I had been hit with a forceful blow.

I looked to my husband who was already staring at me. I could tell he was holding back his emotions. I felt so defective. I had all these specialized organs that just did not work, that were virtually useless. I could not fulfil one of my main purposes for being. I had completely failed in something I was born to do.

On an intellectual level I knew that I was not defective nor a failure as a woman. I knew that my worth transcended my ability to procreate. But shame and inadequacy hit me on a level where reason does not tread.

My husband could not have been more supportive. He was always far more worried about my welfare than his own whenever the bad news struck. He made it perfectly clear to me that he did not need a biological child. Yet, I still felt guilty. He was a young man that would not have an heir because of me.

I looked at the monitor one more time. At that moment, I knew that I would never be in this position again. Although my work would pay for one more in vitro procedure, I had had enough. No more painful shots in the belly, no more ultrasounds counting egg follicles, no more anxious phone calls to the infertility doctor learning my HCG levels, and no more emergency trips to the hospital. I had learned far more about my reproductive system than I had ever hoped to know.

My husband and I had always wanted to care for an orphan. We decided it was time to move in that direction. We investigated our options, completed mounds and mounds of paperwork, and then waited. We requested twins hoping to keep two children from the same family together. We were told that a referral of twins was very rare and not to expect it. Still, we hoped for twins as we waited and waited.

Allah (Subahanahu wa Taala) knew just how to help me accept that I was barren: desensitization therapy! While I was trying to keep a pregnancy or waiting for the referral, there were nearly twenty babies born to female co-workers or to the wives of male co-workers on my office floor. So many women became pregnant those years that jokes started circulating around the office that if you drink the water on the fifth floor you will get pregnant. The first six or seven invitations to baby showers were very difficult. The expectant parents’ joy only reminded me of my sorrow.

I would remind myself that most of the Mothers of the Believers (Radhi Allahi Anhuma) were barren. I had no reason to complain. By the tenth invitation to a baby shower, though, I was blessedly desensitized. I no longer wondered why I could not have children. I no longer felt pangs of jealousy. I no longer experienced sorrow at others’ joy. SubhanAllah, Allah (Subahanahu wa Taala) knows what is best for His creation.

Although I had accepted that I could not give birth, I still could not bring myself to fix up the baby’s room. I thought a room full of baby things would be too painful to pass everyday in case something went wrong. I decided not to buy anything until the referral came. We continued to wait. Then the phone rang.

"Twin girls!"

When we heard the news, my husband and I blurted out simultaneously: "I have to quit my job" and "I have to make more money!" We looked at each other and laughed and cried – there is nothing as telling as unedited visceral utterances.

I remember so vividly the moment they handed us the girls—it was the happiest moment of my life. I couldn’t believe that we had been entrusted with such an awesome responsibility, that we had been blessed with so much love.

The other day one of our three-year-olds came into the room where I was praying, sat down and made dhikr, saying "Subhan’Allah" a hundred times. After she finished she asked me: "Is Allah proud of me?" I replied: "I think very proud." She gave me a big hug and ran off to play. Later that day, her sister ran into my room with a big smile on her face. She had put on her pink hijab by herself. Part of it was upside down and the other part hung sideways on her little head. She announced proudly: "I’m a beautiful Muslim girl!" I smiled back: "Yes, you are my darling—a beautiful Muslim girl, both inside and out."

I try to thank Allah (Subahanahu wa Taala) each day for the two beautiful blessings that He has entrusted to us. I pray that we raise them to be good Muslims and that they come to Him surrendering and with a sound heart. I never thought I would be able to say this, but I am so grateful now that I was unable to conceive. If I had been able to give birth, these precious wonders would have never entered our lives. I thank Allah (Subahanahu wa Taala) for helping me to be patient and content with His Decree. And I remind myself often that hardships are ultimately not hardships at all with trust in Allah (Subahanahu wa Taala).

"We will test you with a certain amount of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and life and fruits. But give good news to the steadfast. Those who, when disaster strikes them, say, "We belong to Allah and to Him we will return." Those are the people who will have blessings and mercy from their Lord; they are the ones who are guided. (Quran, 2: 154 -156)

Marriage: Look Beyond the Packaging!


By W Abdelgawad
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Is his hair nicely styled? Is he the perfect height?

Is her makeup just right? Does her body have the perfect curves?

This is packaging, it’s irrelevant.

American, Pakistani, Mexican, Egyptian, Bengali, Indonesian, black, white, brown, this is a veneer. It’s unimportant in the long run. When you’re sick and battling to recover, it’s not an American who holds you and tells you that it will be okay, who makes you chicken soup with lemon and ginger… It’s a human being, a husband or wife who loves you.

We must get beyond superficial and meaningless classifications like race and nationality.

Does he wear Armani suits cut just right? Are his shoes sleek and shiny? Does her clothing drape elegantly on her figure?

You know what? That Armani suit can’t stand on its own. It needs a hangar just to stay upright. That elegant clothing can’t raise your children right.

We must learn to look beyond appearances. I’m not saying that appearance is irrelevant, but how much of our attraction is based on true human beauty, and how much is based on distorted standards and poisonous imagery pumped into our brains by TV, movies, advertising, magazines and billboards? In other words, to what degree have we been brainwashed?

The world of advertising teaches us to focus on the wrong things. Consultants are paid millions of dollars to design the perfect package for a box of cereal or an energy drink, just the right shape and bright color to catch your eye and entice you to buy. Meanwhile, the product – as often as not – is actually bad for you, consisting of empty calories, sugar, chemicals and dyes. They are teaching us to make choices based on packaging and image, and what they are teaching us is entirely ruinous and wrong.

Human beings, however, are not consumer products. We’re not disposable. When you marry someone you’re in it for the long haul. You’re with them when they wake up in the morning with crust in their eyes and hair stuck to one side of the their head; when they get laid off from their job and you don’t know how the bills will get paid next month; when they’re depressed, tired, sick; when they make mistakes, when they say and do the wrong things, when they lose their temper, when they’re afraid or insecure…

This is as serious as it gets. This is life, and the right package won’t get you through it, won’t help on you the path, won’t hold you up when you’re weak, or put a smile in your heart when you’re down. The package can’t do that. Remember that when you buy something, the package ends up in the trash. If you choose someone for the package only, you may be bitterly disappointed when the storm comes and no one is there to keep you safe.

These are lessons learned through heartache and disappointment. These are lessons I have learned.

Look deeper. Find a gentle heart, a strong backbone, a striving spirit. Look to what the person does, how they live, how they treat people, how they relate to the Almighty. Look to that shimmering soul inside, and discern whether it’s a selfish and bitter soul, or loving and true. Look beyond the packaging to the person inside, and trust your fitrah-based instincts, and you’ll find yourself a rare happiness, and a precious partnership.

The most beautiful, powerful things in the world don’t come in packages. Mountains, trees, ocean, sky, stars… their true attributes are bared to the world. They don’t need packages because they are beautiful and profound in their essence.

By basing your life choices on matters of substance, you’ll avoid social and financial traps that ruin so many. You’ll build friendships as real and solid as mountains, with people you can trust with your honor, your heart and your life. You’ll do work that matters, and leave a legacy that improves people’s lives in unforgettable ways.

The Noble Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said:

"A woman may be married for four qualities, for her property, her rank, her beauty, and her religion (piety); so get the religious one and prosper."

(Hadith Bukhaari (5090), Muslim (1466) )